James and Jo’s south east Asia adventure

Sad to leave Hanoi as there were still a few things we wanted to tick off and we enjoyed our time there. Worthy of staying at least a week given the worthwhile excursions available and the abundance of places to eat and drink.

We did toy with the idea of getting up early to view Ho Chi Minh’s body, but as the humble man had expressly wished to be cremated rather than embalmed, we decided to honour him by lying in for a couple of hours instead.

The plane departed an hour late and the guy across the aisle spent some of the flight watching surprisingly lengthy cock-fighting videos.

When we touched down the plane was blasting  The ballad of Ho Chi Minh a real ear worm.

The rain was hammering down as we took the taxi to the hotel, dark clouds made everything look very dreary. 

We checked into Orchids hotel then left in search of some food with the rain unrelenting. We tried to get a table at the popular 4Ps pizza chain but as there was a half hour wait we contented ourselves with 3 banh mi’s between us from the stand outside. These hit the spot and came in at about 3 quid altogether, much nicer than a subway at a fraction of the price.

Opted for the hotel breakfast for the first time. Whilst the full English wasn’t what we were used to there were plenty of tastier options, some of which I hadn’t seen available at any other breakfast. Jo had congee with pork floss and century egg whilst my highlight was a freshly made banh mi.

Our intention was to visit the Ho Chi Minh mausoleum to see the embalmed body of one of the most important figures of the 20th century. However we arrived after the closing time of 10.30am so had to satisfy ourselves with touring the museum dedicated to his life. As it happens we arrived 10 minutes before this closed for a two hour lunch break, so had a quick look in before finding a couple of hours to kill before we could have a proper look. We spent most of the time at a nearby juice bar that was all but empty, I opted for a ‘purple’ juice that I assumed was some sort of berry mix. It turned out to be beetroot juice… it was just about drinkable.

After a guided tour of the museum we decided we’d get a taxi back to the hotel. We were going to use the ‘Grab’ app, their equivalent of Uber, but as there was a taxi outside already we decided it would be quicker to just jump in as it would only be 7 or 8 minutes by car. We’d asked how much and he gestured to the meter. The meter started off at an acceptable rate for the first couple of minutes but then started to increase exponentially so I got him to pull over. The meter had climbed to almost 300K VND, for context the half an hour drive to the airport the next day booked via the app came to less than this. I gave the driver a 500K note and he attempted to give me back 20K in change. I got the correct change in the end but his scam was still half successful, so it was a lesson to always book via an app if possible – the signage on the taxi had indicated that he was also associated with the app, so we didn’t just get in a random car!

We had a couple of drinks at the mostly empty hotel sky bar where the chatty barman used the opportunity to improve his already very good English. We were thinking of going to a decent restaurant for our last night in Hanoi but after chatting to the barman ended up going to a street food place not far from the hotel, and opposite train street. This turned out to be a good decision as the food and drink was very cheap and very tasty. Chunks of tender catfish along with greens and noodles that we fried ourselves at the table.

Any money saved was splashed on massages; Jo will have to curb her two a day massage habit when we go to a city with a higher cost of living.

Whilst walking through one of the narrow streets in the old quarter one of Jo’s flip flops broke mid-stride and she stumbled and fell, grazing her knee. I didn’t fancy giving Jo a piggyback all the way back to the hotel but fortunately just 20 metres away there was a clothes shop still open and the young lady who worked there kindly gave Jo a pair of sliders and refused to take any money for them.

Although Hanoi is a relatively poor city despite the strong growth of the economy it was notable that we didn’t encounter a single beggar, if there is any sort of homeless problem it is well hidden and puts the UK to shame.

We had an early start as we were being picked up from the hotel at 7.30 for an extensive day trip. I’d struggled to get to sleep due to either the jet lag or the coffee. The Robusta beans that they use are stronger than the arabica beans generally used in the uk.

Anyhow, I didn’t feel as tired as I expected when we boarded the coach. Our guide, Viet (imaginative parents) gave us an informative and funny talk on all aspects of Vietnamese culture during the couple of hours it took us to get to our first destination, Hoa Lu. Hoa Lu was the ancient capital of Vietnam for a brief period around the 10th century and although there was some interesting history that seemed to involve driving out the Chinese (a recurring theme) and fratricide there wasn’t much to see apart from a couple of temples.

We stopped at a craft shop for 20 minutes along with a few other tours which was a bit of a tourist trap in terms of prices but there was a section where disabled victims of the American bombing and chemical weapons campaign were embroidering pictures. Some of the results were very impressive and we bought one of the more affordable embroideries as it was made known beforehand that the proceeds went to their charity.

I was getting hungry by this point and had skipped breakfast with the promise of a buffet lunch. They were making sure that we would build up an appetite and scheduled a 30 minute bike ride prior to this. As per the Tripadvisor description this was optional as “customers can skip biking if don’t know how to bike or too fat”. I summoned my childhood muscle memory and rode a bike for the second time in 20 years, it was enjoyable despite the brakes scarcely working as the circuit was mostly flat with minimal traffic and magnificent views.

The buffet at the local restaurant had a decent selection and it was all palatable, goat meat was the local staple and I piled my plate high with it.

The next stop was ‘Tam Coc’, billed as ‘Halong bay on land’. This is a UNESCO World Heritage Site and the boat tour was the two of us with a pilot at the rear of the boat. We had our first rain of the holiday and it became torrential just as we set off, fortunately it eased off as it would have made the trip a bit miserable if it had carried on like that. The pilot rowed and steered the boat with his feet, rather than hands. This undoubtedly requires more skill but makes sense given the amount of distance they cover. We went through 3 caves of a hundred metres or so, out and back again, and due to the high water level with it being at the end of the rainy season relied on the skill of the pilot to accurately navigate a way through without any head bumps due to the very uneven ceiling. The vistas were impressive with the big limestone cliffs around us covered in greenery but it would have been eerily quiet were it not for the sound of the boats going through the water and the clunk of the oars against the metal sides as there was no birdsong or insect sounds. Surprising given the water and lush vegetation.

The last stop involved a walk up a hill/mountain, supposedly 500 steps. This seemed to be an unwelcome surprise for Jo despite booking the experience who bemoaned the fact that every

holiday we go on seems to have a hike of sorts.

She survived, and we had a cornetto to celebrate.

It was a 15 minute walk to our meeting point for the food tour and I could feel the sweat streaming down me by the time we made it halfway. Apparently the temperature was just average for this time of year, c.34 degrees. The roads were like nowhere I’d been before with either no pavements, or any place where there had been pavements covered in mopeds or with shopkeepers’ wares that were spilling out of their shops. Whilst there were zebra crossings, these appeared to be purely decorative and people crossed the road whenever they were feeling brave or the traffic was slightly lighter.

The food tour promised 8 stops culminating with a beer along train street. We met our guide Elena who kicked off the tour by handing us a small shot of apricot rice wine. The first dish was just round the corner and was rice noodles with river crab meat and a pork/mushroom sausage in a broth. I said to the guide I was quite good with spice, however after adding the garlic and chilli accompaniments to the dish I was scrabbling for the water as I inhaled a chilli. This dish seemed sufficient for a meal in its own right and I knew we’d be up against it to finish another 7, even if we hadn’t eaten anything since a small pad Thai on the final plane journey.

The rest of the stops were a mixture of sweet and savoury and included a stop for bun cha (beef and noodle broth) at a Michelin recommended bistro, and coconut ice cream with fresh mango and pandan sticky rice. The French influence could be seen at some of the stops including the egg coffee (Vietnam is the second biggest exporter of coffee beans) and banh mi, which has pate as one of the 4 essential components.

We had a couple of beers on train street so we experience the train going past. There are about 8 a day, mostly in the evening, and the next one was about an hour after we arrived. It’s a tourist hotspot and probably a Mecca for influencers but when we went on a Monday afternoon is probably as quiet as it gets with almost an even hawker to tourist ratio. Jo bought a couple of nice fridge magnets from an elderly lady. The train eventually roared past within a couple of feet of where were sitting, it’s a real wonder that’s a whole row of bars allowed to operate in such a potentially dangerous area. Unique and remarkable given trains are ubiquitous across the world.

The lady running the bar put the caps from our beers on the tracks, which were flattened by the train to create mementos (since lost).

Jo had a neck and back massage when we got back to the hotel. Apparently not relaxed enough she used the walk to the city’s lake as an excuse to get a foot massage. Massages seem to be one of the main industries here. As the massage was 30 mins I also had one, rather than just waiting. My previous experience of a massage in Asia was a cheap 15 minute head and neck massage in Hong Kong that was excruciating and was carried out by someone who I’m convinced was seconded from the enhanced interrogation branch of the Chinese red army. When this started with the masseuse attempting to dislocate each of my toes in turn I worried that this was heading the same way, however from then on it was actually a pleasant and relaxing experience.

Despite the delay in leaving London we still managed to get to Vienna in line with the original eta. Say what you want about Austrian leaders but they manage to make the transport system run on time. Vienna is supposed to be a great city to visit and full of culture, but as we were only dashing through the airport it means nothing to me!

We boarded the long haul flight and Jo put on the new Bridget Jones diary film from the in flight entertainment system, falling asleep before the opening credits. I’m sure Helen Fielding won’t take it personally. I managed some fitful sleep waking with my neck in varying degrees of discomfort as we travelled across the time zones into the inevitable throes of jet lag, landing at Bangkok airport before the last leg to Hanoi.

We finally reached the hotel and were greeted with some refreshing lemon tea, whilst the manageress gave us a rundown of the amenities and the best places to visit nearby.

A bus, a coach, three planes and a taxi; the journey to Mordor was probably comparable, fortunately most orcs go to Spain this time of year. When we stepped out of the hotel the following morning it felt as though the temperature was similar too, only more humid!

Having booked two weeks off at the start of September to avoid clashing with school holidays, we then considered where we would like to go. We agreed on Vietnam and Cambodia as they would be new destinations for both of us and we had heard good things, particularly regarding Vietnam. We gave little heed to what the weather would be like at this time other than it being at the tail end of the rainy season. When it came closer to the date of leaving and forecasts became available it became clear that the tail end still meant a lot of rain and daily thunderstorms! 

We went ahead and booked the long haul flights into Vietnam and then out of Cambodia, then subsequently short haul flights to take us from Hanoi to Ho Chi Minh City and Ho Chi Minh City to Phnom Penh; as well as coaches to and from Heathrow.

We booked hotels too and everything seemed in place logistically in good time for a smooth holiday travel-wise. However a few weeks later our flight out of Phnom Penh was rearranged to ‘Kratie’ airport. A quick look at google maps revealed that Kratie province and indeed Kratie airport was about 6 hours from Phnom Penh, and a similar distance from Siem Reap. (After booking the flights we realised that Angkor Wat – the one major landmark in the country was not in fact anywhere near the capital and Siem Reap was the major city in close proximity. Very inconsiderate of their ancestors not to construct the huge temple complex near to the modern day capital!)

After spending hours online with the booking agencies and airlines BA said that there was a flight out of Phnom Penh the following day that we could switch our flight to, so we went ahead with this and booked an extra day off work. This was the first pebble dash in the perfect shitstorm between ourselves, Phnom Penh airport and the airlines. 

The rebooked flight was also rearranged and then cancelled. By this time it was only about 3 weeks until we were due to fly. Prices had gone up and we rebooked long haul flights that each had two connections, a couple of which were very tight. Our flight from Ho Chi Minh City to Phnom Penh was then rearranged, again for Kratie. Following a conversation with Experian and some googling on their part it became clear that the fiasco had come about because Phnom Penh international airport was closing on 8th September! Why the airlines still let you book flights to and from the airport after this date god knows, and why they were using the airport code for an airport hours away (which further googling established was actually now defunct) was also a mystery. My previous googling had only established that the skirmishes between Cambodia and Thailand had not affected international travel so we were still at a loss until now as to why there were so many cancellations. It transpired that there was a new airport being opened just south of Phnom Penh called Techo and the rearrangement would be coming from here, but this name had not previously been mentioned by any airline.

The new flights did not correspond to the coaches that we had booked from Bristol, but rather than take the financial hit we decided to get to the Heathrow 7 (!) hours before the outbound flight and hope that we could catch the bus that left from a different terminal 1 hour after the inbound flight was scheduled to land. 

A week before after discussing the scenario with friends we were encouraged to book an airport lounge considering how long we would be at Heathrow. Whilst it probably still would’ve made more sense financially to rebook another coach it felt like we were on a roll with injudicious decisions (having not looked into getting vaccinations for the myriad debilitating and potentially fatal diseases we could pick up on holiday) and so booked a lounge. Given that we could only arrive after checking in our hold luggage and had to leave in time to board the 3 hour window would be trimmed each end. We tried to gain some of the cost back by making the most of the free bar and indulged in a red wine, aperol spritz and pink Prosecco. Not necessarily my usual beverages of choice but I had to go higher end given they were complementary. There were warnings not to overindulge as you had to be ‘fit to fly’ but this did not extend to the buffet and I gorged myself on brownies accordingly.

Over 11 hours after we left the house we finally boarded the first of our flights, to Vienna. Given that we only had a one hour turnaround at Vienna airport we were hoping that there would be no delays, and when it started taxiiing a couple of minutes before the scheduled flight time it seemed as though Teutonic efficiency would ensure we would arrive on time, unfortunately we were still taxiing half an hour later… fortunately jos panic was short lived as due to the alcohol consumed earlier she was soon catching flies.

We were fortunate to be seated in the emergency exit row with a free seat next to us. Very nice on any journey, but would have been even better on the long-haul leg. Vienna airlines provided us with a free glass of water at a ball of hazelnut flavoured dark chocolate – silver service compared to Ryanair or easyJet.